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I have had my lower body program worked out for me now. And I thought that the upper body was tough. The stairs to work never looked so high as they did today.
As part of this diet I had to take a photo of myself wearing a pair of shorts. It was a horrific and humbling experience. I really did not like what I saw in the mirror. I looked deformed. How the hell can Sarah find that body attractive. I am more lucky than I know.
Still, it gives me more drive to get it sorted. I was able to resist temptation today quite well. I feel good for that too.
Now if only I had achieved more work.
Still, time to head home in a minute. Looking forward to seeing my darling. Stuffed peppers for tea. The recipe sounds delicious.
Catch you later.
PaulCurrent Mood:  tired Current Music: Random Internet Radio |
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Here I am once more. On day one of a new diet and exercise regime. Hopefully this time it works better than the last umpteen million times I have tried. It has started well. I made it to the gym this morning and I have stuck to my eating plan. But already the cravings are kicking in... What I would do for some hot fries...
But this time I have someone to support me. Someone who says she wants me to live a long and healthy life as my weight (and family history of heart disease) worries her. She is a wonderful woman and myabe with her help it will actually be possible to turn my personal habits around. I have learned one thing from my many failures: Changing your habits is a hard thing to do; especially when you try to do it on your own.
So here is hoping. I will keep you posted. I would put up my "before" photo butyou would all begin to vomit into your keyboards. Instead I shall wait until I have an "after" photo to offset the horror.
All the best
Paul |
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Sep. 10th, 2006 @ 08:57 am
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Need I say more? |
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I Am A: Neutral Good Elf Fighter Bard
Alignment:
Neutral Good characters believe in the power of good above all else. They will work to make the world a better place, and will do whatever is necessary to bring that about, whether it goes for or against whatever is considered 'normal'.
Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.
Primary Class:
Fighters are the warriors. They use weapons to accomplish their goals. This isn't to say that they aren't intelligent, but that they do, in fact, believe that violence is frequently the answer.
Secondary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.
Deity:
Lathander is the Neutral Good god of spring, dawn, birth, and renewal. His followers believe in new beginnings, and work for the betterment of all. They have no preferred weapon, but they typically wear plate mail and a shield, with red and yellow tinting. Lathander's symbol is rosy pink disk, typically cut from rose quartz.
Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy of NeppyMan (e-mail)
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Where am I in the world and how do I relate to the world around me? Not an easy question. Posed in class today by Lani it bears some thinking. Especially in light of the “systems thinking” discussed in that same class. So the first, seemingly easier, question: Where am I in the world? At its simplest level, Hataitai Wellington New Zealand would make for an answer. Obviously this facile level of thought is not what Lani is expecting from me. Where am I in the world? I am a student about to graduate (hopefully) and about to turn thirty (in all probability). I am at a point of change in my life and so my place in the world is going to change as well. My effect on the world around me is about to change in direction and, hopefully, magnitude. For the past three years I have had a lot of decisions made for me in terms of the scope and nature of my activities. That is about to change. Where to from here is a question that I have not put much thought into to this point and it is something that I fear I should put more effort into; sooner rather than later. I would hate to run into November at full speed and then come to a screeching halt due to being unprepared for the opportunities available to me; or worse, making a choice based on limited options because I did not spend enough time exploring for more opportunities. But I digress from the question. Where am I in the world? I am becoming part of a community of artists who are in turn part of society at large. Perhaps I should be looking at where that group is in the world as a whole to in turn be better able to define where I am? In New Zealand society artists seem to be perceived as being near the bottom of the social ladder, a burden upon their harder working fellows. Certainly life as an artist in this country is a lot harder than it needs to be. People are constantly leaving either the industry or the country for better options elsewhere. To stay in the game you really need to be passionate about what you are doing. So what you have is a small dynamic passionate and creative group who are willing to push themselves hard and confront questions that other members of society would find difficult to contemplate or not even conceive of without prompting. Artists seem to deliberately question the norms under which society operates; to explore other ways of doing things; to pose the question ‘what if…?’ without hesitation. And once they have raised these questions they then go out and try to get people to come along and participate in their explorations as an audience. The best of these artists encourage the general public to take these questions home and try to answer for themselves. So artist could be said to be a group of energetic people that encourage the rest of society to question their normal way of thinking/behaving; sounds dangerous. And I am striving to be part of that group? |
| » Changing your habits is hard... |
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I had a good five weeks. A very good five weeks. Good food, good exercise habits, good sleep. Then the short film hit like a ton of bricks from hell and it all fell apart. Ten days of no exercise and shit food. And now I feel like shit again.
Time to start over.
Again.
Fuck.
Apr. 19th, 2006 @ 08:32 pm
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| » Time for an update... |
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Here I am at the end of my second week of diet and exercise. I am still a little stunned at what the scales told me this morning. 124kgs... that means I have lost 4kgs in 2 weeks... And I still have 10 weeks of the diet programme to go. Thats a very scary thought. I mean, if that rate of loss continues I will be a weight that I have not been since I was 21 years old.
I find that very thought provoking. The first thought it provokes is that none of my clothes will fit! Still, I suppose there are worse prices to be paying for health. And I have to remember I am not there yet. Visualisation is an important part of attempting to change a decades worth of habits. The trick is to keep it as visualisation and not cross over into self delusion.
No matter. Back to the huge assignment I am supposed to be working on that I am studiously being unstudious about (Yes, that's a word... now.).
All the best to my fellow slackers out there.
Big P.
Mar. 19th, 2006 @ 02:33 pm
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| » Day three... |
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...and things are still progressing. Made it to the gym both yesterday and today - though it was nearly impossible to actually get up this morning. Was so tired yesterday I actually made time for an afternoon nap for two hours. That is very unlike me. I think it is going to take some time for my body to adjust to this new regime. And I still have not mastered the art of going to bed on time. Still, one step at a time.
In conclusion, feeling sore but feeling good too. And with this 6 times a day eating thing it seems as if I am always eating. Hunger does not seem to feature much in my day which is cool.
Anyway, big day today. Got a production meeting regarding money matters for the short film I am working on. Nobody wants to spend any money but they all want to get paid as much as possible leaving nothing for the film... Sigh. The never ending battle between financial realities and artistic integrity...
See you later.
Big P.
Mar. 8th, 2006 @ 09:56 am
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| » 128kgs... |
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Day one, gym visited and eating plan successful. Arms really sore and am completely exhausted. Going to bed...
Mar. 6th, 2006 @ 10:20 pm
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| » I have been thinking... |
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...and no, my name is not Prebble...
One of the things I have been thinking is how much I enjoy Battlestar Galactica. Fantastic show. Took me a while to get into it though as I did not see the mini-series that spawned it and so I had to play catch up with what the hell was going on for several weeks. I have also been thinking that I, throughout my entire written history, if you will forgive the awful pun, have a sever tendency towards the writing of convoluted and lengthy sentences. There, I did it again. I need to stop. It makes me come across as a far greater prat than I deserve to come across as.
I need to stop many things. One of the things that I need to stop is my lifestyle. I work too much. I sleep too little. I eat far too much shit. I spend way too much money. And I work for free far too often.
That's a lot of things to change. So I thought I would go out and buy a gym membership. It took me three weeks from the decision to the action but $250 later and I have a swipe card to get into the gym. That was Friday. Monday morning I am going for the first time. I have a fitness and fat assessment on Thursday morning. I am not looking forward to that. And I have booked myself in for another assessment in four weeks time. And I have paid for that one already. $50 gone, whether I frequent the gym or not. And since there are some things that I hate to waste money on - mostly in the form of wasted opportunities - I have a bit of an incentive to turn up to that assessment and walk away feeling better about myself.
I can hope.
I am also sick of being single and being broke. I think my work habits and physique - even a terrible physique is still a physique - are the main contributing factors to that one. So I have resolved to work for money less often and work on my health more often. There is something wonderfully balanced about that view. By taking energy from one place where I spend to much of it I have the freedom to put more energy into a part of my life where I am not putting enough energy at all. It is all a question of balance and for the last 10 years I have allowed my life to get very out of balance. Time to spend the next ten years undoing all that damage that I have done to myself and to my life and to get myself back on track.
Rereading what I have just written two thoughts come to mind. Firstly, and most pleasingly, there is a total lack of finger pointing. I am not blaming people who have caused me harm or created situations where I have allowed harm to come to myself. I am taking responsibility for my self abuse in those hard parts of my life. And I think that that is a very good step in the right direction. It is not really something that I have been able to think about seriously without trying to lay some of the blame with someone else. There is no one else to blame. Just me. And secondly, again, I write terribly convoluted grammatically questionable dribble most of the time!
No matter, my point is made and it is time to move on. Tonight I am working on the circus that has come to town better known as the World Wrestling Federation (?). Huge slabs of walking beef jumping on top of each other and spraying sweat and blood onto the $500 front row seats.
Oh joy.
Mar. 4th, 2006 @ 08:51 pm
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| » Footsore and tired... |
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I spent the entire day today walking around the botanical gardens here in Wellington. Got a job to audit the lighting systems in the park as the city council has absolutely no idea what facilities are currently installed. Unfortunately it means walking down every single sodding path in the 64 hectares of bush. I have covered over 30 kilometres today. And I have around the same to cover tomorrow if I am going to finish on time!
So an early bed. But first, a very long hot bath!
Feb. 13th, 2006 @ 07:24 pm
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| » It lives.... |
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Despite tumours to the contrary, reports of my death have been grossly exaggerated. I have survived the past month in the desolate wastelands of the unconnected and analog. Telecom has taken nearly 4 weeks to get the phone hooked up to my new address (gorgeous views, photos shortly) and I am still waiting on ADSL so while I finally have access to the internet again dial up is like taking a thirstly man and chaining him up in front of a fountain and the only way he can drink is by catching spray on his tongue as the water sprays up in front of him. Evil.
Onto the phone once more to see if I can hurry up the mollasses-like process.
Ciao.
Feb. 11th, 2006 @ 01:36 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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I have just spent five days working with a professional dramatic group workshopping a production of The Odyssey. Fascinating stuff. Sadly, as part of my AV designer job requirements my poor PC had to make the trip into the theatre - and this is the horrible part - where there was no internet...
I have been having withdrawwals. Anyway, she is now back in the room and hooked up to the world again and breathing easily and is out of danger thank you very muvh for your concern. I am very tired and heading off to bed, relieved that the PC is going once more.
And tomorrow I leap out of a truss while having - hopefully - learned how to do up my emergency safetly lines properly.
Wich me luck
Big P
Jan. 16th, 2006 @ 10:24 pm
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| » What a singer... |
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Just got back from Caberet (a jazz bar in downtown Wellington) where a friend of mine was singing tonight. I seem to forget everytime exactly how captivating her voice is. Simply remarkable.
Sadly the "sound technician" that the venue gave her to work with turned out to be a waiter who knew where the on switch was. Muddy does not begin to describe the awful murk that was the sound coming out of the PA. I did my best to come to the rescue but without the ability to do a proper sound check of each instrument individually and no headphones to do PFL listens then there is only so much you can do. I have her next gig (two weeks from today) marked on my calender so I can come in and set her going properly.
She told me tonight that I "am too nice" to her. I told her it was all that she deserved. And kept to myself the fact that I would go a long way to go out to dinner with her one night. Maybe someday soon I will work up the guts to ask. By then she will probably be in a relationship again. It would be just my luck...
So to finish for the evening, words to one of the songs she sang tonight which I recorded on my laptop. And if you like the look of them you can download the song here. I have kept the quality of the song low to keep the filesize small (2MB). Enjoy...
I'm feeling mighty lonesome, haven't slept a wink.
I walk the floor and wath the door and inbetween I drink
Black coffee loves the hand me down blues
I'll never know a Sunday in this weekday room
I'm talking to the shadows 1 o'clock till 4
and Lord I know how slow the moments go and all i do is pour
Black coffee since the blues caught my eye
I'll never a sunday in this weekday room
Now a man is born to go a loving
A woman's born to weep and fret
To stay at home and tend her oven
And drown her past regrets in coffee and cigarettes
I'm mourning over morning and mourning over night
And inbetween is niccotine and not much heart to fight
Black coffee feeling low as the ground It's driving me crazy
This waitin for my baby to maybe come around.
Around, to maybe come around. Come around
I'm mourning over morning and I'm mourning over night. Come around, come around.
Drink some coffee with me baby, in the morning baby, in the evening, in the morning baby, drink some coffee in the evening
Black coffee. yeah.
Jan. 12th, 2006 @ 11:21 pm
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| » testical testicle, does this thing work? |
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right said fred - test of deepest sender
Jan. 12th, 2006 @ 07:49 pm
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| » Botanical Gardens Photos... |
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As promised, photos from the Botanical Gardens installation. Expect more in the coming days.
( Read more... )
Jan. 11th, 2006 @ 11:18 pm
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| » It is very telling... |
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The number of times I feel the urge to write in this damn thing seems to be directly proportional to the depth of my depressive tendencies. Today has been horrible. Like I said previously Claire and the family seem to have drained some essential energy away from me when they left and I have nothing with which to sustain me.
Ugh. Now an evening of work beckons. I really don't have the energy. Or even a trace of enthusiasm. All I want to do is curl up with a bottle of baileys and fall inside.
Some days I can be really pathetic.
Big P.
Jan. 11th, 2006 @ 06:18 pm
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| » I hate flathunting... |
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I so hate flat hunting. It has got to be one of the most frustrating occupations for students in our wonderful cities. I hates it I hates it I hates it FOREVER!!!!!
Thats better.
Back into the fray.
Big P.
Jan. 11th, 2006 @ 04:19 pm
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| » So drained. So tired. |
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Been flat hunting today. No luck. Lined up 4 places to look at tomorrow as well as arranged work for myself for the coming weeks before school starts again. Should be able to save enough to keep making the rent which is good.
Feeling really drained. It is like Claire, my mom and my sister took the last of the life out of the house with them this morning. Really need to move. Running short on time now and am starting to get worried.
Just doing a clean up of all the spyware and rubbish on Claire's computer this afternoon. Nearly 1400 separate nefarious items were detected. Goodness alone knows where on the internet that girl has been going. Not sure I really want to know
:-p
Anyway. More work beckons.
Goodnight one and all.
Big P
PS - in other news, Claire's ex from Denmark (the one she jilted me for) is arriving in Wellington tomorrow and wishes to meet up with me. We are going out to drink and curse at the evils of women across the world. Should make for an interested evening...
Jan. 10th, 2006 @ 07:05 pm
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| » Echo... echo... echo.... ech....ec....e...e....e..e........ |
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Well, the house is empty again. After having all manners of strange people (also known as friends and family) descend upon me at short notice they have all upped and buggered off again as of early this morning and I find myself alone in the house once more. How very strange it was to have Claire and my mother and sister in the same space for two days. Surprisingly they seemed to get on quite well.
Claire and I managed to get through the time without any dramas which was a welcome relief. I am putting up with a lot less of her shit than I used too and I think it scared her a little to see me stand up for myself. So she has left to go to aussie to spend time with the latest sucker on her long (and growing) list of conquests. (please notice tongue in cheek, I honestly have a better opinion of her than that!) Hopefully she has a great time and comes back in time to catch the start of uni.
Who knows, if this weekend was anything to go by we might actually make this best friends thing work properly without getting all mucked up by the whole "ex" thing. We shall see.
As for the gardens (remember them) they were fantastic. We all went to the opening night on Sunday and had a great time. A picnic and a concert under the open sky. Beautiful. And once night fell the gardens look splendiforous - even if I do say so myself. It will be my duty tomorrow night so I will have some photos to post after that.
As for this afternoon, flat hunting and then work.
Catch you later.
Big P.
Jan. 10th, 2006 @ 11:32 am
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